


The Eyes Allowed to Watch

by CherryEmbly



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, Gay Love, Kenma Cuteness, Kuroo Always Loved Him, Love Story, M/M, No Setting Whatsoever, One Shot, inner monologue, oh the fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 12:37:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6956728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryEmbly/pseuds/CherryEmbly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuroo has asked Kenma to tell the story of how he fell in love with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Eyes Allowed to Watch

**Author's Note:**

> Few Things to Note Here Kids: 
> 
> Who doesn't love Haikyuu!! ? 
> 
> I'm working on a multi-chapter Fic that centers around my favorite real and non-real ships, but for fun I threw this baby together because Kuroo and Kenma are high on my list of faves. 
> 
> It's almost completely inner-monologue with some dialogue mixed in, so there's literally NO mention of setting. I'll give you specifics here, cuz I like ya.  
> Segment One: Kuroo & Kenma's neighborhood.  
> Segment Two: Kenma's Bedroom. (No funny business, they're only like 11 here).  
> Segment Three: Whatever Stairs They're Sitting on in Kenma's Ep. 12 Flashback  
> Segment Four & Five: Refer to Ep. 12 except the end of S5 which would be Nekoma's Locker Room.  
> Segment Six: Actually takes place post-grad, though it's not mentioned. I assume they're somewhere where they co-habitate. 
> 
> Lastly, all the dialogue in S3, 4 & most of 5 is verbatim from Ep. 12 of Haikyuu!! Season One. 
> 
> I don't own the characters, dialogue, or sole mentioned setting of Nekoma's Locker Room. Good on ya to Haruichi Furudate and Shoen Jump for creating the awesomeness.

_I never liked being around people._

_Even in my own household I was known for avoiding gazes._

_I would stay in my room and play video games or sketch until it was time for dinner, dreading the fact that I had to endure scrutinizing eyes even from my parents, while I ate._

“Did you make any friends today?” _My mother would ask me. Her words were kind but her eyes betrayed her. They asked the real question, ‘are you still a loser?’_

“Will you try any clubs?” _My father, who always wanted an athlete; a star, but was left with me. ‘I finally get a son and he's like this?’_

“No.” _Still a loser._ “No.” _Not your athlete son. I hate the way they look at me, those eyes that always judge. ‘Why is this kid so weird?’ ‘What boy prefers being alone to playing with friends?’_

_I deadened my senses and eventually it stopped making me sad. I got used to the eyes that judge and mock. Used to the ones that avoid and keep a suspicious distance._

“Hey! You kid! Toss me my volleyball!” _I hadn't even noticed that it had rolled near where I was sitting and playing my game._

_That ball was weird. It was different from others I'd seen. It felt slightly heavy in my hand and the ridges in the material were almost inviting. It made me feel like I almost could throw it, and if I hadn't muted myself to the world, I might have felt embarrassment at how ridiculously little distance it flew when I tried._

_Then those eyes laughed. When had they gotten so close to me?_ “Huh!? What kind of throw was that? You're awful!” 

_I was surprised to hear the truth. His eyes and his words said the same thing; I’d never experienced it before._

“I’m Tetsuro Kuroo. What's your name?” 

_I wasn't afraid of those eyes; I could talk to those eyes._

“Kenma Kozume.” _I'd never introduced myself before; had I even done it right?_

_Those eyes didn't care._ “Kenma, huh? Come on, I’ll teach you how to toss.” _Those eyes, amber, almost gold. They looked at me with no judgment. They slowly started to turn into a face…_

_…and I panicked._

_Yet even after I embarrassingly ran away. That face started to watch me. Every day as I reached our neighborhood, it would start to follow me home. Until one day I caved, and allowed that face to teach me how to toss the volleyball. It told me I could be a good setter one day…_

***

“Well, I'm not joining unless you join with me, so I guess you'll just have to continue playing with me for fun instead.” 

_Why are these eyes so dependent on me? I'm wallpaper at best and certainly not deserving of such unyielding attention._

“It doesn't make sense for you not to go because I won't go.” 

_Those eyes stare at me again._ “I've already told you. I'm excited to go to the same middle school as you because we get to spend more time together now. I'm not going to up and join a busy club like that if you aren't joining too. It'll take all my time and we won't ever get to hang out.” _Those eyes shamelessly tell the truth._

_I was always lonely; I preferred it. So why did the thought of being without those eyes scare me?_

“There's still weekends and holidays.” 

_Eyes of irritation._ “I don't only want to hang out on weekends and holidays.” _Eyes of sadness._ “Would you be okay with that?” 

_Those eyes drag honesty out of me._ “You're good at volleyball so you should play. It would be frustrating not to hang out as much, but I would make it work so you could play.” _Eyes that feel feelings reciprocated._

_Eyes too serious; eyes too close._ “I'm not joining without you.” 

_Why was I not desperate to recreate the distance? Why was I fearless of eyes searing into me so closely? Eyes that change my way of thinking. If his eyes are among them, does it make the others more manageable? Can I sacrifice my own discomforts to give these eyes what they're truly looking for?_

_I was curious to find out, but more than that I wanted those eyes to be happy. I wanted the one they belonged to to be happy._ “Okay, I'll join with you.” _Eyes filled with unparalleled joy. For the first time then, my heart skipped._

***

_I can’t see his eyes now, I can only hear his voice._

“Don’t quit on me.” _That voice, sad._ “You have keen observation skills and you deliver accurate instructions.” _That voice, pleading._ “The current first and second years know how great you are.” _That voice, reassuring._ “You will definitely make the team stronger.” _That voice, convincing._

_That voice lit a fire in me. I’d done unimaginable things to be near that voice. Gone so far outside my comfort zone I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, to be near that voice. Would I have attempted to toss a ball if it weren’t for that voice? Would I have joined a volleyball club if it weren’t for that voice? Would I allow myself to be relentlessly ordered around by people who are simply a few months older than me if it weren’t for that voice?_

_That voice is mine._

_I fought for it._

_And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some haughty upperclassmen glare at me with their disrespectful eyes or shout at me with their ugly voices and come in between me and my voice._

_Anyone who tries it is my enemy, plain and simple._

***

“Kenma.” _He’s angry._

“Kuro.” _I no longer hesitated to go to him; I understood myself by then._ “Gotta go, see you later Shoyo.” 

“Don’t wander off like that.” _He sounded concerned..._

“Sorry.” _...but there was something else in his posture._

“You don’t know your way around here, so be careful.” 

_I didn’t think about how it might look. For him to see me speaking, unabashed, with someone other than him. That boy from Karasuno had special eyes. Innocent but determined. All things considered, it electrified me. The way he spoke was confident, like he meant 100% of each word he said. To say he intrigued me would be an understatement. Those eyes weren’t lying either. Those eyes matched those words._

_Even still, I didn’t think about what he might think. I was inconsiderate of him and he was weird for the next several days._

_He wouldn’t look at me._

_Those eyes, that had looked almost exclusively at me, avoided me suddenly. Why?_

“Does our fateful opponent, Karasuno, have a female manager? Yes or no? My yakisoba bun says no.” 

_Other voices have such idiotic conversations._

“What? I want them to have one, so I say yes!” 

“Same here!” 

_Sometimes it makes me angry that those voices get to share a space with his voice. That he has to be subjected to those whose eyes betray their words. Those who waste their breaths on frivolous topics. I can see him tensing._

“You idiot! We don’t have one so it would be frustrating if they did! What if it’s far worse, and their manager is both female and beautiful!? I would never forgive that! Ever!” 

_His anger was different than it was with me before? Why?_

“If that time should come, prepare to meet your fate, Karasuno!” 

“Yamamoto, shut up!” 

_They couldn’t tell, but I know his voice. It was harsher than normal. What was upsetting him enough to avoid me and shout louder than he ever has before?_

“Hey! What do you think, Kenma?” 

_His eyes avoided me still._

“It wouldn’t…” _Your eyes are the only ones I want looking at me._ “...matter either way.” _Why won't you look at me?_

_Maybe when we play again…_ “But…” _Maybe when I toss you a ball..._ “I am looking forward to our game with them…” _You’ll look at me again, and smile the way that melts me._ “...just a little.” _If it’s enough, I’ll play forever._

***

_In our game I felt betrayed. Every word he said, every time he smiled; his eyes told the truth and for the first time in our lives…_

_...he was lying to me._

_I focused my attention on playing my best game. I was hoping a win would break the facade and bring my eyes back to me, truth-telling ones, the ones that changed me. I dove against my character to keep that ball from hitting the ground. The important ball that was the reason you first spoke to me. I won’t let it hit the ground._

_Back to back sets and I even went out of my way to shut down Shoyo even though I really wanted to see him open up, but he went back to avoiding me right after the games. He wasn’t even there to help me when that horrifying setter started to pound me with questions and my only choice was to run away._

_I’d never felt so lonely._

_I changed everything for you._

_I’ve endured the eyes for you._

_So why…_

_Why…_

“WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT ME!?” _I screamed at him, in front of our entire team._

_He dragged me to an isolated part of the locker room._

_And he kissed me for the first time._

_This man, who was once just eyes. The first truthful eyes I’d ever known. He’s become much more than that now. He’s become my everything._

“When I saw you with that short kid from Karasuno… Here you had been missing for close to an hour. My timid Kenma, and when I finally found you, you were chatting away happily with this strange kid. You even smiled at him. You never smile. Then you said you were excited about our match with them. I got... “ _You’re my everything._ “...scared.” 

“I’m sorry. You should know…” _His eyes met mine finally, calming me, allowing me to speak honestly._ “...for me, there’s only you.” _Though I’d never said the words before, they came out effortlessly. My words must match my eyes. I refuse to be one of those pairs, that doesn’t deserve to look into his._

_He laughed awkwardly as he allowed his arms to wrap me tightly._ “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I was a jealous type.” 

_Those eyes, jealous?_ “You never have to be jealous.” _I only want your eyes looking at me. Look at me only and always._

***

“What a strange way to tell that story…” _It’s not strange._

“It’s the only way I know how to tell it.” _The story of how I fell in love with you._

“You really only fought that hard in those games to get my attention?” 

“Yep.” 

“Can I tell people that?”

“Nope.” 

_Arms wrap tight around me; wearing at my restraint. Always reaffirming me._

_Lips meet mine. A relaxing yet all-consuming feeling._

“My story is much shorter, want to hear it?” _That voice, husky and ensnaring. How does one refuse it?_

“Yeah.” _Expectations set high._

“I wonder if I throw my ball at that kid, if he’ll finally stop playing his video game for two minutes and look at me? Holy shit, it worked! He can’t really toss the ball. I wonder if I follow him home from school every day if he’ll let me teach him? Holy shit, it worked! I want to go to the same middle school as Kenma. I wonder if I go bat-shit crazy unless my parents switch me, if they’ll do it? Holy shit, it worked! I want to play volleyball and I also want to spend all my time with Kenma. I wonder if I tell him that I won’t join unless he joins too if he’ll join with me? Holy shit, it worked!” 

“Kuroo…”

“Shh. This is the best part.” 

“Go.” 

“Who the FUCK is that orange-haired kid!?” 

“Kuroo.” 

“Shhhhhhhhhh, I listened to your story.” 

“Fine.” 

“Why is he so excited to play a match against them? It’s the orange-haired kid!” 

“I said I was ‘a little’ excited.” 

“You’re being very rude.” 

_Kissed with a sense of normalcy; meant to shut me up. I’ll obey._ “Sorry.” 

_That voice that I love, clearing its throat sarcastically._ “Maybe it’s time to distance myself from Kenma. I wonder if I ignore him if it’ll work? Shit, it’s not working. Did he just yell at me? Does he feel the same way as me? I’ve fallen in love with Kenma. I wonder if I kiss him if he’ll let me? Holy shit, it worked! I don’t care about anything as much as much as I care about Kenma. I wonder if I ask him to stay with me always, if he will?”

_Expectations met._ “I will.” 

_Kissed deeply; emotionally._ “Holy shit, it worked.” 

_That’s the story of how I came to overcome my fear of eyes looking at me. As long as his eyes were among them; nothing else ever mattered; nothing else ever will._

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't put Canon Compliant because I've only watched the anime, not read the manga, so I was unsure if anything else contradictory happens in the manga. It's also why the only bit that takes place post anime is the recap chapter of Kuroo "telling" his story; sorry for the overuse of the word 'shit' btw, but he seems like the type.


End file.
